Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
