i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
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He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
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Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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