I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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