She is in my trunk
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
