hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
