after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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