i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
