This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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