No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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