I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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