Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
