She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
another moral hangover. fuck.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
