he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
