a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Porn is love you can see.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
