And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
