This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
that may or may not have been my penis.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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