He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
