i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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