Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
