yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
