Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
