do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
