When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well I just put wine in my tea
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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