Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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