So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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