i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
