hotel room ftw
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
