ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
