Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
