I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
