dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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