you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize