And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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