Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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