I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
