The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
