If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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