One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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