it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
