can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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