I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
