You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
