whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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