so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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