He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
