When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There's always time for handjobs
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
