"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
