I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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