Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
