There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
