how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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