just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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