My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
