all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
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i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
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You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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