I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
