Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
