I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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