How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
