I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I touched a dick in church today
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
