I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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