I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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