PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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