Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I believe in your delicious
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
