just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
