I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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