haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
