The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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